The Controlling Partner

‘What have you been doing all day? ‘.

‘Well. I tidied things up a lot,  went shopping,  caught up with Kathy for a quick coffee, she brought Ben and Reena with her…the kids had fun. Then i took then to the park then came home,  made the tea,  did the dishes and tidied some more.  Why do you ask? ‘

‘ The place still looks like a bomb has dropped.  Do you really think you needed to spend that time with Kathy?  I’m not even sure I’ve got clean clothes for tomorrow… ‘

‘I don’t see friends that often… She was only here for an hour.’

‘Well,  I still think you could’ve prioritised things a bit better.  After all, you do have responsibilities, you can’t just choose to relax when there’s things that need to be done ‘

‘I don’t call managing 4 under 5’s relaxing. ‘

‘ Don’t argue with me.  You’re supposed to keep this place in a decent state and it’s a tip. You have all day, never make a penny and can’t even do that one simple task…. ‘

Anyone recognise this conversation?  Let me re-phrase that.  You’ve probably all had that conversation.

There’s a person in your life with impossibly high expectations.  They nag you incessantly,  make you feel terrible about yourself and generally give nowhere near enough credence to your achievements.

Maybe you’re sitting, thinking now… Who is this terrible person?  However,  they’re not terrible,  simply, humanly, fallible.  In their harsh judgement of you they miss the sheer beauty of the things you achieve,  in the daily smiles of the small people who surround you.  They have yet to learn that balance i.e. seeing the whole package that is you,  is infinitely important to their own outlook on life,  and,  therefore,  to their ability to feel happiness and joy. 

Yet again,  you ask yourself,  who is this person?

It is the one who is closest to you in the world, the one you were born with and,  the only one who will be with you when you die. The opinion of no other matters in comparison to this one.

It is you. 

Read back now and ask yourself if you now recognise this conversation.  Then ask yourself this… How did you feel,  when you read the dialogue above for the first time?  How did you feel about that partner?  How did you feel about how they were treating that other who was doing her level best the only way she knew how? How would you change them and their responses to you for the better?

Self talk is incredibly important.  It makes you who you are.  But they’re only words.  They are not fixed in stone.

Change the way you talk to yourself. Don’t be the abusive, criticising partner to your own soul.  Why would you do that to yourself?  Don’t expect so much of yourself that you set yourself up for failure.  Just know,  you are good enough and that’s good enough.

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